Chapters
Usually when I write about chapters its about a book I am in the process of writing, or maybe one that I am reading. This time is somewhat different, and I suddenly feel like I am moving into another chapter of my life.
For the past, almost 7 years since I have returned to Iowa from Los Angeles, I have found myself volunteering for things in the community. From Boy Scouts to the community theater, I’ve managed to devote a tremendously large amount of time to the causes that I believe in. So much so that NOT devoting that time is a foreign concept.
Over the past couple of weeks, a series of events have begun unfolding that have me questioning the time I am giving to others, and not keeping for myself. One in particular had me in tears, and another one close by. I care about both, but it was surprisingly the “restructuring” of one that had me give a resignation. While I am still a member in the overall organization, I am questioning more and more about even that involvement, as the leaders of the organization have, in my opinion, lost its way.
And the other organization I am involved with has been the subject of even more personal stress and emotion, as I am constantly having to try and manage a balance of incredible sensitive egos and personalities, while still trying to move things forward.
This all comes at a point where I am finally getting together my “dream” part time business. Things are picking up steam, and I am actually kind of excited to be realizing things that I had only thought out on paper. Part of me is excited for the new opportunity, and part of me knows that in order for it to succeed, the effort I was putting into community volunteering will have to be diverted into more “selfish” pursuits such as the building of the business.
I think I’ve earned it.
Sometimes I look over all of my efforts, and wonder what will be said of me when I’m gone. A morbid thought, I know - but its one that drives me to give my best in everything I do. I want people to remember me as someone who took the time to give them what they needed, whether it was someone to talk to, someone to build something, or whatever. I want to have known that I made a difference.
So it pains me when I must resign or divert attention away from “giving back.” But I really think it’s time to be selfish for once, and do things for me. And maybe by doing things for me, maybe I will end up doing more than I even thought possible for others.
I’m glad you are with me on the journey.
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I am so glad that you are finally doing something for yourself! I think you would always be remembered as someone who gave 110%, no matter what you are doing. And it’s not being selfish to stop and do something for yourself. As they say, you have to take care of your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else with theirs…
Hang in there…