TROY RUTTER

A year or so ago, I asked CC Chapman, whom I had known through social media, and met a few of times, to be  a reference for me on a job application.  This position was a “social media” job with a huge health care company in the state of Iowa, and since I was friends with CC I sent a quick note asking him if it would be ok to list him.

I didn’t expect the answer I received.

I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this because I can’t talk to your working style and such and that is what a reference should really be about.

At first I thought I read it wrong, so I read it again.  Then I was in shock. Then I was upset.

Finally, I understood and appreciated it.

This all came back to me after I read an article by Dr. Keith Ablow entitled “Are We Raising A Generation of Deluded Narcissists?”  I have a lot of friends from high school connected to me on Facebook.  I have a lot of former co-workers on Facebook and Linked-In, but the majority of my “Friends” on Facebook I have never met in person, and only know through online interaction.

Many of us interact with people we really don’t know every day. While CC is Friend and a friend, we have never sat down for an extended talk or worked together in any official capacity.  What could he say besides a stereotypical answer like “Troy is a hard worker who…”  and even then he would be putting his personal name and brand on the line for me.

Now I feel guilty for even asking.

Going back to Dr. Ablow, he makes a point that in today’s world, we post jokes, updates, statuses, photos, videos, and more on our social media outlets, and get virtual high-fives due to likes, comments, votes, etc.  Many of these come from people who are just doing so to be supportive, when in fact the content may be awful.  I too have become frustrated at schools and sports teams that hand out trophies just for playing, and celebrate “at least you tried.”  I fear we are raising a generation that doesn’t strive to be the best, doesn’t strive to even be good, because they think they will be rewarded “just for trying.”

The fact is there are people who make it and those who don’t in all areas of our lives.  You aren’t going to get a raise at work “just for trying” and you aren’t going to excel in your field by doing the bare minimum either.  That isn’t to say trying something new isn’t important. Rather, we are constantly being told it’s ok not to strive to be better, because we will get a reward anyway.

And that doesn’t bode well for our economy or future technology discoveries.

Back to CC.  I asked him if I could mention him in this entry, and his reply was “of course!”  It takes a real friend to tell it like it is.  To tell you something sucks, to say you are throwing (or drinking, smoking, eating) your life away.  To tell you to suck it up and get on with your life.  And -

to tell you no.

Finally, there is a difference between networking to increase your experience and mutually helping each other, and networking just to ask favors of someone and use their name or connections.  I have a lot of connections and acquaintances, but I am bad at asking people for things. I used to think that was a fault, but maybe its actually a trait sorely lacking in society, and something to be proud of, even if it means working harder towards my goals.

CC also has a great episode of his Managing the Gray podcast that speaks to some of these topics too.